Why I love yoga

Well, I can't stretch at all until I get these damn stitches out, so I thought I'd take a few minutes to pay homage to yoga. This is like writing a letter to your lover who is out of town on business.

I'm a little embarrassed to love yoga as much as I do. I mean, it's so trendy. And, especially in Southern California, there are so many collagen-filled, $5-bottle-of-water-drinking "health nuts" who make a ballet performance out of Sun Salutations. I've mentioned before that I'm judgmental, right? Seriously though, I'm pretty sure I saw one of the Real Housewives of Orange County at my studio once.

It seems that lots of people in recovery from an eating disorder take to yoga. For some, it may be because yoga is a form of exercise that doesn't seem like exercise. It can be passed off as meditation, for example, thereby flying under the radar of treatment teams banning physical exertion of any kind. But, lots of us stay with yoga even when we're "allowed" to exercise. Yoga is really the only exercise I do. I take short walks, but more for my brain than my body. I do some free weights in an attempt to fend off osteoporosis. I have little interest in cardio. Calorie-burning just isn't much of a driver for me these days. I think the attraction to yoga for me, and for many Type A personalities, has to do with the discipline involved, along with the fact that yoga demands surrender (which I think we all crave).

At first glance, yoga is a bit dichotomous. It's associated with carefree hippies, but it has all these strict poses and specific routines. Sun salutations can be tweaked, much like recipes, but they go a certain way, typically. You can go to a yoga studio almost anywhere in the world and kind of get the flow of things. The postures have been the same across centuries and across cultures. That's something that my structure-loving, change-hating brain appreciates.

What I've realized over time is that it's not really that dichotomous. Yes, there is structure in the poses, but the ultimate goal is freedom. That's the challenge -- surrendering to the poses, not doing them better than everyone else. When I started yoga in 1999, I was aspiring to get back to the flexibility and strength I had in gymnastics. I was fixated on everyone around me. I wanted to be just as flexible as them, or -- who am I kidding? -- more flexible. These days, my practice (eh, I hate that term, it's so pretentious) is entirely different. I don't care what someone on the next mat is doing. Often, I practice alone so there is nobody on the next mat. It's about me and where I'm at with my body on that particular day.

I used to fight to stay in poses. I have cursed at many a teacher under my breath while holding this

(Side Plank)

and this

(Chair)

and this

(Boat)

I have cursed my body when I couldn't do this

(Warrior 3)

or this

(Half moon)

Now, I very often take child's pose for a break. I'm just not so hard on myself. And, I've gotten better! Downward dog, which used to be a strain, is a resting pose for me now. Same with chair pose. I wasn't trying to be stronger in these poses; it just happened. I remember thinking during half moon, "Holy hell, I'm never going to be able to look up and keep my balance in this pose." Now, I can. I didn't have to struggle so much; it just took some time and patience. I still fall, and I usually laugh when I do (though I do still have my cursing days). I'm more forgiving of my body and myself because of yoga. I'm more good-humored because of yoga. I have better posture because of yoga (which is good since I'm so tall and have a tendency to slouch). I know how to breathe because of yoga (before, I used to think inhaling meant sucking my belly in and exhaling meant pushing my belly out; yoga taught me it's the opposite. I have to think that's helped in anxious moments). I love the poses and the routine of yoga. I do well with outlines, in which I have the freedom to be creative. A yoga series to me is like an outline. You may set out with a specific goal in mind, but it can change along the way. Much like life.

Do you do yoga? If no, what's your impression of it? If yes, what do you love or hate about it? Do you practice at home (with DVDs, podcasts, etc) or in classes? I usually create my own routines, or I do "Inhale" on Oxygen network or Dave Farmar podcasts. I also get lots of ideas from Yoga Journal.

***
Today's gratitude:

1. Well, I did something very unlike me and bought a plane ticket, rather impulsively, to visit my friend in New Orleans for a couple days! I go April 1-3. I'm super excited!

2. This no yoga thing is actually going just fine. It's good to take a break sometimes to realize how much I really like it, but don't have to do it.

3. "Broken Embraces." I watched this last night. I really like Spanish movies, and Pedro Almodovar is always a great storyteller.

4. My immune system. It seems to be fending off whatever it is my coworker keeps coughing up. Why do people come to work sick?!

5. Dreading downtime. I'm grateful for this because I used to find safety in downtime (aka isolation) and dread activity. Now, with the weekend approaching, I'm more excited for activity!