Guest post: Seeing your wife through depression

When I went on medication, the psychiatrist, Dr. M, said that my husband would probably notice changes before I did. He shouldn't have told me that because for the past month, I feel like I've bugged Larry with questions like, "Do I seem different?" I've wondered if I'm acting funny, if I'm annoying in my budding cheerfulness. At times, I've thought that this "feeling good" thing seemed too good. Was I going crazy? Would a shoe drop? All along, Larry has just smiled. He's the most patient human being I've ever known.

This is what he has to say about supporting me through depression, especially the decision to go on medication. Without him supporting that, I probably wouldn't have done it, to be honest. I would have continued struggling, convinced medication is weak and suffering is strong. Larry has never agreed with that "suffering is strong" nonsense. So, without further ado...

I have a lot of faith in science. I believe that there is a treatment plan for every ailment; even though, in some cases the treatment can only go as far as treating symptoms. Treatment plans aren't limited to medicine, and I think that a mixture of treatment types will yield the highest results for mental disorders. For those who don't know, I have bipolar disorder. I have been in therapy since I was very young, but I have only been on medication for about five years or so. After having tried a few different medication types, I am well aware that some combinations can be very bad. After my latest change, I have felt better and more like myself than I have for quite some time.

When I started feeling better, symptoms of Kim's depression became more noticeable. Kim is much different than me when it comes to medicine; generally she is much more sensitive to the effects. I tend to shrug off side effects in exchange for the benefit of the medicine, but the same effects can cause Kim a lot of stress. I encouraged her to start with psychotherapy because I figured that this approach carried the least amount of risk. After a couple months, we both realized that the treatment was either ineffective or taking too long to progress. I then suggested that she see my psychiatrist to see what he thought.

We have a great psychiatrist, but Kim was a little tense at the idea of taking pills. I reminded her that she didn't have to do anything she doesn't want to, and once she saw him she relaxed quite a bit. He put her on a treatment plan, and Kim was actually excited about it. I was a little nervous and spent a lot of time reminding her that sometimes new medication can have bad side effects at first. I didn't want to scare her, but I wanted to make sure she wasn't expecting a miracle pill. Every medication I've tried for bipolar disorder has taken at least a month to level out; some side effects never go away and require lifestyle adjustments. I wasn't so sure how Kim would deal with that, but I was very happy to see her put faith in the treatment and see it through.

Now that some time has passed, it is great to see Kim so much more content with life in general and excited about things that should be exciting. She is much more relaxed about things like money and has a lot more trust and faith that things will work out even though a lot of it is not under our control. Things in general are much more relaxed, and this has given us a lot more enjoyment in day-to-day life. I don't mind the work days so much anymore because our downtime in the evenings and during lunch is so enjoyable.

The changes in her have allowed me to grow as well. Now that she is more relaxed about money, it causes me to think about it more. It may sound a bit odd, but by easing her grip on the steering wheel, I have naturally taken on the responsibility of making sure that we are staying on course. I think that before, we used to struggle to meet in the middle. Kim was trying to make sure the car was not going to crash, and I was trying to roll the windows down and turn up the music. Now, when I think about that metaphor, I see both of us working as a team to keep us in the lane that makes us both happy.

***

I think it's so interesting and true what he says about shifts in relationship equilibrium. Nothing in life is truly stagnant. We're always changing, relating to each other differently.

Have you been in the position of supporting someone through a hard time? What did you do? Have you had to be supported? What was that like?

***
Today's gratitude:
1. It's a gorgeous California day. I'm hoping to get out for a short walk soon.
2. The weekend should be full. I admit I'm slightly antsy about doing everything I want to do, but I'm refraining from "overlisting."
3. DVR night! It's our Friday ritual -- calzones and catching up on TV shows.
4. We got our taxes back...and the government owes us some money! Yayyyy!
5. I got some granola bars in the mail -- my first real product review to come!