Work to live, or live to work?

I've heard that the first question Americans ask each other is, "What do you do?" We place an inordinate amount of emphasis on work. When I was in school (basically ages 4 through 23), earning good grades was my identity. I was under the assumption that I would transition smoothly into "the real world," where the cycle of work-hard-and-get-rewarded would continue. This cycle was pretty crucial to my identity. I like to be invested in projects to the point that I have dreams about them. I like positive feedback and praise. After working full-time for the last seven years, I still feel like I'm mourning the loss of my idyllic career vision. I don't even know that I have a career; I've had jobs.

I'm happy to have a job, let me tell you. And I'm a conscientious, model employee. But, there's something lacking in normal work life for me. These are the less-than-inspiring lessons I learned at my first desk job:

1. If you work hard, you will not be rewarded, unless you consider getting everyone else's work a reward.

2. People waste an alarming amount of time.

3. 98% of meetings are pointless.

4. Don't finish anything too fast; you'll only get busy work in return.
Sidenote here: In the work world, everyone says that a one-hour job will take four hours. At some point, it took them just the one hour, and they spent three hours reading celebrity gossip online. After a while of doing this, the one-hour job started to actually take four hours because of the lost brain cells.

5. Go for walks to maintain sanity. While walking, pretend to talk on your cell phone so nobody bothers you.

6. Learn to look forward to snack time. Walking to the fridge is a rare time to get out of your chair.

7. Nobody talks to each other. It's normal to get e-mails from a person 3 feet away from you.

8. Use lots of phrases that make you sound pretentious, like "Per our earlier conversation..."

9. There are not nearly enough vacation days.

10. It's always either too hot or too cold. Offices are rigged for discomfort.


Needless to say, I've been less-than-fulfilled by my work existence (why do people call it "the 9-to-5," by the way? Mine has always been 8-to-5 or 9-to-6). I'm grateful to have a job. I like the structure of the day. I like paychecks. Still, I think I wanted (want?) something more. I wanted to feel excited by day-to-day activities. I wanted to feel like what I was doing was meaningful in some way. I wanted my sense of self to be integrated with my paycheck. Often, I wonder if I just expect too much. Maybe I need to change my outlook and see a job as a means to an end (payday!) instead of an end in and of itself. Work to live, and not the other way around.

I've been fantasizing about alternative careers quite a bit lately. I could be a pharmacist. I could be a criminal psychologist. I could be a professional pet sitter. I could be a yoga teacher. These are just some of the fantasies. Of course, I could be a novelist, but I don't like to consider this too much. Even if my agent (finally) sells my book, I'd consider that a special treat. I'd like something else to be my bread and butter, so as not to put pressure on myself to write. What is it with my career fantasies? Is this a case of "the grass is always greener," or would I really be more fulfilled by something else? It's tough to say, and I'm a pretty risk-averse person. I have high financial security needs. I don't like change. Given these traits, I'm not sure what business I have thinking about going back to school or choosing a different field. Maybe I'm just daydreaming.

What do you do for work? Does it fulfill you? If you're not working currently, what do you want to do? If you could have a "do-over," what would you choose? Why don't you choose it now?

***
Today's gratitude:
1. Short, 4-day work week!
2. Pairs ice skating waiting for me on DVR.
3. Snack incoming.
4. My anxiety has been super low the past few days.
5. Kitty on my face in the morning. This is the best way to wake up.