Thanks to all of you who shared your thoughts in yesterday's post. It was really interesting to see that many of us are less-than-happy with work situations, but feel confined for a number of reasons. And then some of us love our jobs, which is very encouraging! While I'm not always sure what I want work-wise, I am sure of how I want to spend my lunch breaks: Out of the office.
I think my years of anorexia have made me slightly kooky in my views toward meal times. To me, they are somewhat sacred. No, I don't pray or chant or perform any kind of ceremonial blessing on my wraps and sandwiches (though sometimes on my apple), but I still like my meals to have a time and space to be appreciated. Maybe it's because I was so restrictive for so long that now it's bliss for me to just sit, be mindful, and enjoy what I'm eating. Maybe it's because I still have some ritualized notions around eating. I like the routines I have. I like the structure. Yes, food is just food, but that doesn't mean I go through my day without paying attention to it. Often, (sadly?), it's the highlight of my day.
When most people look for a job, they wonder about salary, health benefits, 401(k), etc. Of course, I think about these things too, but I also wonder about working hours. It seems more and more companies expect people to work through lunch. Sometimes, cold sandwiches are provided as some kind of incentive (I don't understand this as I think food as a bribing technique does not work past the age of 12. Maybe I'm alone in this, as I've seen co-workers get very excited for bagels). Lunch break to me is about health and happiness. I try not to be too unreasonable about my expectation to have that free hour, but it is really important to me.
Today, we had a "working lunch." I don't like these. One, I don't like being asked to work through my one free hour, especially when the meeting could occur during any of the other 8 available hours. Two, I still have weirdness about communal eating situations and food being presented to me. It makes me feel self-conscious. I find myself concerned with looking "normal" (are you tired of this neurosis of mine? I am). Basically, with work lunches, there's a little tantrum in my head that goes something like this: "Don't wanna!" I feel out of control, violated like a 3-year-old who has her favorite Barbie doll taken away from her. Yes, I realize this is silly. It's one meal, after all. I just prefer to dictate my own meals (and meal times), not have them dictated for me. I find that in the "dictated for me" situations, I tend to restrict, accounting for mystery calories and trying, passive-aggressively, to tell the food offerer, "I don't like this little situation of yours." Yes, this is part of my eating disorder, one of the straggling elements -- both the restricting (even if it's not blatant, I know when I'm restricting) and attempting to express myself via not eating much (of course, nobody gets my passive-aggressive message but me, but I seem to be unwilling to accept this). I'm reminded of my mom's advice: "Use your words and eat your food; don't use your food and eat your words."
I ate a light lunch of tuna salad and fruit. Definitely not my normal amount. It was fine though. In years past, I got out of these things entirely with a myriad of excuses, ranging from sudden stomach aches to an urgent phone call with my agent (if only that poor woman knew how often I'd used her). Of course, when it's all done, I realize it's not that big of a deal. Just one day, just one meal. Though I still want my free hour, damn it.
Are you particular about meal times? How do you spend your lunch break? What do you do in food situations at work? Is it hard for you to express your needs/preferences?
***
Today's gratitude:
1. I have figure skating on DVR to watch when I get home.
2. Speaking of my agent, I got an e-mail from her today saying that she has lots of positive response to my book (though no buyer yet). I'm awaiting a more detailed status update.
3. Beautiful sunshine. Note: I did actually get out of the office for a little bit. I went for a walk and called my mom :)
4. Girls weekend! My mom, sister, and I are going to my parents' beach condo this weekend. With all the big family gatherings, I hardly ever get to spend quality time with just my mom and sister, so I'm looking forward to that.
5. "The Invention of Lying." I've seen it, but Larry hasn't. I'm hoping we'll watch it tonight with dinner.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
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15 comments:
Kim - I swear we would be best friends. (Especially with the figure skating, movie, PJs things). EVERYTHING u wrote is like reading me like a book. Well, your lunch was super duper tiny...but hey, everyone is different. I am not talking about the food...I mean the whole basis of your post.
Yes, I would ask in interviews relentlessly "what are the working hours like...what is the typical day like, etc etc etc"...in my previous job if i had a client scheduled at lunch hour, i was pissed that i would have to have a later lunch, etc...i am not a huge fan with sittin gin the office or lounge with others...it all plain sucks...but its what one has to do. Now, i may soon be forced into a menial job..and that will mean very odd hours most likely, and all that stuff, so things will be even worse than a "professional" job at least gives freedom for. Its all a mess...I need guidance with how to proceed with my life actually, maybe i need to get your advice :)
But yeah, all so true...too bad we were not co-workers, we could leave for somewhere quietly and just eat -- we would both shut-up and no we were being perfectly polite :)
I wish I could talk about these things on my blog...but my sister reads it and was once and perhaps still is orthorexic-disordered with a lot really...and I cannot bear any post that I might put out there that could be responsible for leading her a certain way...in reality, it would only be a reflection of my thoughts...but whatever, fear rules me far to often , frankly I am sick of it.
Phew, sorry for the novel -- you always make me think .
Do I even have to comment? Word for word, girlfriend. Meals are just about the only thing I look forward to in a day, and my lunch is usually taken at my desk. So sad, I know, but when we're not buried in snow I use my time to go for a walk. I miss my walks...
Anyway, when we have an office lunch meeting, as we do once a month, everyone acts as if they can't go and buy a Panera bagel or slice of greasy pizza any day of the week. They know it's not my thing, so I bring my own lunch and tune everyone out food-talk-wise. They're used to it.
However, in general, don't mess with my meals. I don't think about normal times for things either, as all interviews, meetings, work hours, etc. revolve around food times, when I can get to the gym, etc. Don't bother me if I'm eating, as it's the one time of the day I look forward to. For me, watching people mindlessly stuffing in whatever for "lunch" and not enjoying what they eat is super annoying and triggering. I'm working on this.
Anyway, it's not good, but yes...most of my work, anxieties, etc. are because of wanting to eat what I want, when I want, where I want, how I want. I know it's only a meal here and there, but to me, it's like every meal is the freaking last supper.
I need to work from home (or loosen up, eh?) Glad to know I'm not alone--except when I eat lunch at my desk, of course.
Wow...this is me to a "T". I like my lunch break to be a BREAK. I like to enjoy it. I take a lot of time to pack a pretty delicious lunch (most days), and it is the one part of my day that is truly enjoyable. I also like for it to happen at the same time, everyday. This is probably a little obsessive of me, but my body is on a clock! I get hungry at the same time everyday, and I put in effort to set that time aside for me to eat my lunch. That does not mean you can come talk to me while I am mid-bite. That does NOT mean it is ok to schedule meetings during that time. Of course, I never say these things. I have a lunch meeting tomorrow, where we all have to order something from a nearby restaurant to have delivered to the office. I don't WANT to order take out. I want to bring my lunch like I do, every day, from home. But if I do that tomorrow, I'll look like the weirdo. And no, I don't think it is a neurosis... I have brought my own lunch to these meetings before and gotten very intrusive questions about it, such as "Oh, are you allergic to something? Oh, are you on a diet? Do you not eat (insert take out food type here)? Did you bring that from home? That looks good, what is it?" And I agree, when forced into these situations I find myself reverting back to restrictive behaviors, trying to estimate how many calories are in each choice, trying to figure out how to pick the absolute healthiest one, or how I can get away with eating less than everyone else without drawing attention to myself.
Since when did what one eats at work become the source of conversation, or interrogation? I grew up with the idea that it is rude to comment on someone else's food in anyway, other than "That looks wonderful!" and even then, only at a restaurant, or when someone has cooked for you. Now, I pack things that other people might not eat, and someone will walk by my desk and scrunch their nose and say "What IS that?"
Oh, if only I could work from home.
Oh how I relate to this!
I work in a spa where there is no set lunch. If you have back to back clients all day...so be it. It becomes a battle where you are so grateful to be making money (we work by commission only) BUT at the same time, desperately needing a break to simply rest off your feet and recharge.
In the beginning I HATED this. I would bitch, moan, and be downright pissed when I would not get to eat more than a few handfuls of something over a 8 or 9 hour period. I have come to accept it...sadly.
I think my eating disorder gets PISSED at the idea of anyone telling me when I can or cant eat. Im sure you can relate.
I always worry that to many of days without lunch will set something into motion, so I try to think ahead to make sure I stay fueled whether or not I get lunch that day :)
Great blog!
I never thought anybody else felt this way! I too always find my lunch break very important. As in, everything needs to be perfect before I can enjoy eating. At work especially, I don't want people to be asking me questions or bothering me while I eat. I want peace and quiet. I also don't want people looking at me while I eat. I hate lunch meetings or when we have to go out to lunch for someone's bday, etc. And when lunch is brought in? I never eat it.
You are not alone! And apparently, neither am I. Yay for that!
So glad your agent got back to you with good news. I am crossing my fingers for you!
What I find irritating is when people want to schedule a lunch meeting instead of a meeting meeting. I am trying to save money, and you just can't eat out anywhere decent for less than like $12.00. It's so much cheaper (and healthier) to bring my own lunch.
I think lunch is the highlight of every working person's day. :-)
You know, I used to really think of my lunch as "sacred", just like you stated. I needed a good 35-40 minutes (depending on the day, I could technically have 90 minutes or 25 minutes) to be able to eat my lunch on my terms. This year, I've become MUCH more flexible. Not that I do many work lunches - I tend to bring my own food for economic and nutritional reasons. There are some days when I don't eat until 2:00 or 2:30, but I do still eat my lunch and then I eat dinner too.
I wish I got off campus at lunch, but I tend to use some of the time to make calls, grade papers, review the reading for the day. That said, I do NOT eat my lunch in my office. I will go somewhere - anywhere - but I need to get OUT.
I think that my personal goal for the next academic year will be to go for a walk during the lunch hour at least once a week. I do think it would be healthy for me.
Thanks for the inspiration!
holy crap you don't know how much I relate to this! And I completely agree that part of the "sanctity" of meal times is that for so long they caused us so much stress and fear, and now, we actually enjoy our meals, and enjoy eating mindfully. I've been wondering why i seem to restrict when eating in communal situations--you hit the nail on the head, it is most definitely a way of being passive aggressive towards meal partners.
I also know that for me, "group meals" often revolve around low-quality, generic foods that just are not appealing to me. And this is the entire side of me that hates eating food that is not of "acceptable" quality. (or maybe it's another excuse to restrict?)
All I know is that I can relate, but I also relate to your feeling of afterwards, when I'm reminded that it's just one meal, one day, out of one week...
I can kind of relate to this in a way. When Im planning my courses for school I always make sure that I have enough time for eating and think about how much time I'll have and where I'll be able to eat etc. It's irratating but I have to make sure I'm comfortable with my schedule or else I think I would just blow off eating all together.
i HATE eating when i'm not hungry, so if i have a meal scheduled with someone else, i try to eat around that so that i will have an appetite. my shrink thinks it's because i associate eating when i'm not hungry with bingeing and am trying to avoid those feelings. she had a term for it. but i can't remember what it's called.
I pretty much always work thru lunch at my desk, because I prefer to have my "work time" and "personal time" firmly split in two -- I don't want to spend an hour mid-day doing non-work stuff, when that just means I have to spend an extra hour at the office at the beginning or end of the day. So I work while I eat, and actually I kind of just graze all day, so it works for me.
I love (to watch) figure skating although I can't do it for nuts - JEALOUS! Hehe.
Wellll.. I'm not too strict any more about meal times although I still feel weird eating in front of people if they aren't family. I'm trying to get round it but sometimes, I can't help but feel as if I'm being scrutinised - and my food for that matter.
I'm not working yet but when I'm in Uni and in the lecture hall where no one's eating, I often can't bring myself to eat either but I'll make sure to have something quick in between class even though it irks me having to stuff myself within a matter of minutes. I prefer sit-down meals when I can savour my food. x)
Nat
xx
I can't remember if I wrote a post about how much I hated working lunches on my blog... at my old job though, it got to the point where we were having them once a week or more, and they would just spring them up on us. That is actually one of the things I spoke up for the group about to management (like I was mentioning on my blog today). We felt like our lunch break was being stolen.
I am not particular about meal times, and usually work out or see a friend at lunch during work. However, I cannot participate in mnay of the company food events because it is mostly meat centered. I get a lot of comments on my food. It bothers me a bit.
OMG
Did you watch The Invention of Lying?! We just watched it last night and I wrote a post about it for tomorrow, and said in the post that I thought you would like it.
P.S. I hope one of the publishers selects your book!
Hmm, I just realized you saw "The Invention of Lying." What did you think about it?
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