A weekend with the girls

This will be a weekend of beach walks, jacuzzi-ing, breakfasts out, lounging, talking and relaxing. My mom, sister and I are going to my parents' beach condo in Ventura. Oh, the family dog, Sammy, is also going. She's one of the girls too, despite having a boy's name.

I was a bit worried about the trip when we first planned it because my mood was so unstable. Since starting the Lexapro though, I've been feeling much more confident and relaxed. I mean, I still made a "packing list," but I did not re-write it 8 times. This is progress. I'd dare to say I'm excited about this little excursion. You have no idea how exciting it is for me to be excited.

I was under the impression that we did this on a somewhat annual basis, but in looking at old photos, I see that the last time the three of us did this was in summer of 2007. Oops. Apparently, we had a photo shoot:



There have been lots of changes to our family in the past year. My sister and I got married within six months of each other, meaning we each have new families of our own, in addition to mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, step-parents-in-law, grandparents-in-law, siblings-in-law, you get the idea. The family gatherings are no longer small. There are more relatives, more friends, more friends of relatives, more friends of friends, more relatives of friends. For most events, I'm lucky if I get ten minutes to talk to my sister alone (and, during those ten minutes, we're usually marveling at our grandma's choice of shoes. She has a big bunion. I don't know what else to say about this). My sister's not great with e-mail and neither of us is good with the phone, so aside from the gatherings when we see each other, we don't have that much contact. We talk via text messages more than anything. I text to say I'm listening to the "Rock of the 90's" CD she made for me. She texts to say she loves the Volume 2 I mailed to her. She texts me pictures of her new dog, Sarah, saying, "Sarah says hi." I text back a picture of whatever cat is cooperating and say, "Hi to Sarah!" It's gag-worthy, I know. I think of her every day, but we don't spend quality time together often, even though we only live about an hour away (with traffic in the Los Angeles area, this time can triple, easily). I've always thought we're very different. She's loud, self-assured, gregarious. She does not know what anxiety or depression mean. She once said to me, "It was so weird, I was lying in bed last night and thinking about something and I couldn't go to sleep." I said, "Um, welcome to my world. That's insomnia." She said, almost fascinated, "Really?" I would wonder if we're related, except that our core values are pretty much the same. And people say we look alike. I don't always see it. I guess she's the tan, brown-eyed version of me.

As for my mom and me, our relationship has changed in the past year too. I used to call her all the time, for every little drama (and, trust me, life is very dramatic for me). She was the number one person in my life. When I got married, I was confused for a while as to how to make my husband number one in my life. I've got it down now. I love my mom dearly, but I go to my husband first. He's my confidant, my best friend, my teammate, my partner in crime -- all those eyeroll-causing cliches. My mom and I recently started to have more regular phone conversations and e-mails. She's been patient with my transition to being a wife, first and foremost, and I feel more and more at ease with our relationship and what it means to me. I feel like we're more adult friends now. All through my twenties, I still felt unsure of myself, like a kid looking to my parents for approval and guidance. I don't feel that much anymore. Larry gives me a lot of confidence.

I'll miss him, and the kitties. I really do hate being away from my little family, even for just a couple days. He says he'll do the grocery shopping and vacuum. How lucky am I?

Do you have siblings? What's your relationship with them? Are you close with your mom?

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Today's gratitude:
1. My agent says 6 publishers are "considering" my book. Please cross your fingers for me!
2. "Temple Grandin" on HBO. This was an absolutely fascinating movie, and Claire Danes was terrific.
3. U.S. gold medal in men's figure skating.
4. Larry's amusing Buddhism. Yesterday, he was saying how the Olympics don't excite him because he doesn't see the point of attaching oneself to the outcome of a competition. He said he prizes self-mastery. I looked at him and said, "Are you a monk?"
5. It's Friday! Another work week down...