House vs Home

Every now and then, I wander to Realtor.com. I fantasize about granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. I daydream about a garage. I picture myself in a large soaking tub with jets. Clearly, I watch way too much HGTV.

Larry and I toy with the idea of buying a house every six months or so. Actually, I toy with the idea and then pull him into my vision. We hear that it's a buyer's market. We get excited. We've lived in a 995 square foot condo for a few years now. It's sufficed just fine. We're lucky to have low payments. But, it's small. I've overtaken the bathroom in our bedroom, so he uses the hall bathroom. If you visit (which would be slightly weird, I must say), you should know that opening a closet is asking for something to hit you in the face. It could be a wrench because we have one closet with tool chests stacked on each other, precariously. We wanted to get bikes, but then we realized we have nowhere to put them. I still have things at my parents' house because there's not enough space at the condo. The value of the condo has gone down nearly 30% thanks to this lovely economy so selling is not an option. We'd have to rent it out. Now that I'm feeling better, this is something I'm confident we could handle. Unfortunately, we live in California, which is not kind to buyers without significant equity. I have no idea how some of these houses cost so much. And I have no idea how regular folk afford them. It's all more than a little discouraging.

I realize a major difference between Larry and me is that he's a decision-maker and I'm a decision-considerer. I'll meander forever. I'll think of a situation from all angles. I'll use lots of statements starting with "What if..." I'll play devil's advocate, then play devil's advocate's advocate. I'll second-guess. I'll doubt. I'll look for signs. I'll ask lots of questions. I'll provide very, very few answers. Larry does not like this process of mine (if you can call it a process). He has no patience for my meandering, and I can't really blame him. I'm notorious for being wishy-washy. It's the maximizer in me, the perfectionist, the anorexic. I don't want to make the wrong decision, so sometimes, paralysis is the result. I believe anorexia was one big paralysis, with an illusion of movement. I thought I was accomplishing something with all that food manipulation, but I was really just looking at life, sticking my fingers in my ears and shouting, "blah blah blah, I can't hear you."

Marriage requires dealing with life, with another human who likely sees it differently. It requires mutual decision making. Larry is incredibly patient with me, though I'm sure he gets frustrated by how long it takes me to peruse a menu. Do I need to remind you what it was like for me to buy a car? Um, yeah. I think we're getting better and better at being partners though. We're getting better at reconciling each other's dreams and hopes with reality, with compromising, with tackling problems, with finding solutions, with understanding, with saying "I'm sorry," with knowing what to do when the other person is upset. This last one is hardest for me. Yesterday, Larry was really aggravated by the housing situation, and I tend to take on others' emotions. If you're depressed, I'm depressed. I'm an emotional chameleon. Yesterday, though, I noticed that I was better able to respect his feelings without getting tangled up in them. I wasn't afraid of his discontent, or intimidated by it. I just let it be, watched a movie ("Coco Before Chanel" -- kind of boring if you ask me) and made some chili. And I think we're both happier for that (my detachment, not the chili, though the chili was good). In the past, I'd get so annoyed/scared/frustrated with his bad moods that I'd make them worse. Maybe the fact that I'm more stable makes it easier for me to support him. Whatever it is, I'm just glad we can be mutually supportive. When it comes down to it, no matter where we live, I'm just so happy we have each other. That's my home. It doubles as a school.

How affected are you by others' moods? Can you be empathetic without taking on too much of the other person's emotion? How?

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Today's gratitude:
1. We have a meeting at lunch time with a mortgage chick, just to know the numbers involved.
2. I have the women's figure skating short program on DVR (so don't tell me the results!).
3. Thoughts of shorter hair... this weekend?
4. Thoughts of our anniversary...this weekend!
5. Stephen Colbert. His "Vancouverage" is hilarious.