There's a column at New York Magazine called "The New York Diet" where famous people (some arguably famous) report what they eat for a few days. Most of these bore me to tears, especially now that I'm not as interested in comparing food, obsessing over food, daydreaming about food, etc. And, the truth is that if I ate like most of these people say they eat, I'd be back in treatment by March. My needs are different. I can't do two meals a day, for example. And I don't consider a piece of fruit breakfast. I consider it half a snack.
Anyway, I was intrigued by Michael Pollan's post. He's the author of "The Omnivore's Dilemma" and "In Defense of Food," and he's pretty well-known for speaking up about ethical issues surrounding what we eat. As the title of the post says, he's still the guy who "forages for chanterelles," but he also "doesn't sweat unsustainable sushi." In fact, according to his own account, he consumes quite a bit of fish, including the overfarmed, mercury-laden ones he opposes in his writing. He recognizes the potential hypocrisy and confronts his critics by saying, "Social values count as much as environmental values with me." He says, "One of my principles is -- in addition to eating sustainably -- to be a good guest and not reject what is served to you."
Predictably, he got a lot of flack for his reported meals. I'm sure he expected this. People would pounce on him if he did anything less than raise his own chickens and grow his own tomatoes. I like to think I'm an "ethical eater," but I totally see his point regarding social values. Life is short, and what's more important -- food rules (environmentally-motivated or otherwise), or social rules?
When I was anorexic, this question was easy because I did not know what "social" meant, let alone what rules were affiliated with that. Food rules were everything. As I've gotten better, I've been tripped up in many situations, wondering what's "normal." There are some foods I just don't like. Artichokes, for one. And several other steamed vegetables. I realize this is odd for a vegetarian. My mostly-vegetarianism (I do still eat fish on occasion) is not just for ethical reasons, but for taste too. I don't like beef or pork. Never have. And before I eliminated poultry, I was extremely picky about it (again, this was before my eating disorder).
Is it rude to have food preferences in social situations? What's your stance on this? How does your eating disorder (past or present) factor in? Do you think you have to be willing to eat what's offered to you to be "socially appropriate"? More importantly (for me), do you have to be willing to eat what's offered to you to be considered "recovered"?
***
Today's gratitude:
1. Annual physical is done. Man, I hate going to the doctor. Detest it. I have to go back (annoying), but at least the blood testing is done.
2. I got a Barnes & Noble gift card from my credit card company, so I get to order books!
3. It's almost lunch time.
4. "Weeds." I watched all of Season 5 in just a few days. I love that show. I'm sad to have to wait so long for the next season.
5. My sister. I talked to her yesterday. She makes me laugh. Sister relationships are complicated, but I love her so much.
Monday, January 25, 2010
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8 comments:
I am the wrong person to comment on this probably, because I have a diet that is impossible to cater for in most social situations. I think it probably depends on the context - my ex boyfriend's family once got weird that I didn't eat fish, but other people have been great and asked me exactly what they could buy from the allergy friendly sections of supermarkets if I was coming round for the evening.
Hypothetically, if I was going to a dinner party with other friends who had the same allergies as me, I think I could eat anything they threw at me - fried, drenched in oil, triple chocolate something or another, you name it ;) I am OK with letting my hair down for an evening calorifically speaking, I just can't eat things that make me ill. But since I don't KNOW a lot of other people with the same dietary restrictions as me, it's always going to be hypothetical. It makes me sad that I won't be able to randomly get pizza with a friend again, because I would actually like to be able to challenge myself in that way. I'm sure people who are actively eating disordered would think I have an ideal situation in not being able to eat in most social situations for a legitimate medical reason, but it just frustrates me.
By the way, my word verification is 'hydeat' :P kind of sounds appropriate!
hi! i watch complete seasons all the time lately. i have found that i just avoided social situations alltogether... missing out big time.
this post made me realise. i have been wathcing celebrity rehab, and the baldwain guy was talking about how as addicts they can't just have a drink and then go home and go to bed and wake up and go to work, that they will end up drinking for weeks. and i was thinking, what is there that I have to stay away from, and your post made me realise that I can't pick up a fad diet and just give it a try, or a liquid detox to cleanse the liver then get back on with a normal diet. i can't restrict like that, some people can have a week of a diet and go back to eating regularly.. i now see that these fad diets and bahviours get me straight back into major relapse of ED, and back to before square one in terms of recovery.
and thats something that I will always have to be aware of.
i hope this wasnt a triggering comment for anyone, i guess one thing in social situations that is hard is that i have said i am a vegeatrian to everyone i know... and also said i was intolerant to a lot of foods, the kinds of foods i have reintroduced into my diet and life... i guess one hard thing is how to explain to these people when they comment on my meat eating etc. loulou
i always enjoy the 5 things at the end of your posts
I don't think it's rude to have preferences based on social and/or ethical beliefs (allergies are another issue altogether - if peanut butter makes you swell up, then it makes you swell up). What can be annoying is when people make a huge deal out of it. Say a dish with artichokes is served, and you politely decline, or you take some but put it in your napkin (just kidding about the last part - I always tried that trick as a little kid and it didn't work). It's not a big deal, but when people are super dramatic about THEIR beliefs, then it's annoying and rather rude.
I certainly don't think that a person has to eat EVERYTHING offered to him/her. There is such a thing as taste/preferences that can get in the way.
Finally, I haven't read the "New York Diet" feature, but it kind of makes me like Michael Pollan MORE that he does eat things that aren't socially "ideal". Sometimes I think striving to that socially-acceptable food/diet ideal is just as f-ed up as being "afraid" of a piece of chocolate. Both can be pretty rigid and restrictive.
Oh gosh. I think I would go crazy reading what celebrities eat! I already have a hard enough time with all of the food bloggers (I skip what they eat and search for actual content).
Anyway, ha, you know me - I always choose my food rules! I guess I am a rude guest!
I didn't realize that when you self host on blogger it still goes to a blogger comment page. Hmm. Well, so far, so good!
Hi Kim, not sure I've ever commented here before, but this really rings a bell with me. I always, always put people I love before the ED behaviors. This was so important to me, even when I was absolutely entrenched in the addiction. I realized early on that to me, people would always be the most important thing in my life - so if my boyfriend (now husband) wanted to have a 9pm dinner out for his birthday, I would toughen up, smile and do it. If Nanny wanted me to have a piece of her pecan pie at Thanksgiving, I would do it, even if I went upstairs to cry afterward. I wonder how common this is in fellow ED sufferers.
I adore your writing and following your recovery. CG
i don't think there's any real "normal." in fact, since having a food blog, i'm surprised at just how many people whose diets i always thought were "normal" had their own eating issues. you should never eat anything you don't want to just because you don't want to feel like you're regressing.
This post also interested me, but warranted its own comment. I HATE picky eaters. You posted about your annoyance with your picky friend a while ago and got some flak for it (did I spell flak right? Is there a correct spelling?) but I agree. I have two picky friends and it just gets on my nerves. I have worked very, very hard to get to a place where I can almost always accept the food that is offered to me when I know it means something to the host for me to take it. For example, I have eaten meat a few times, eve as a vegetarian, when it really meant something to the person who cooked it (like the Korean family that I tutored for a summer who wanted to serve me a Korean feast.)
Since I have worked so hard to be polite and accept food when it is meaningful to someone, even when it means I wind up crying later, I find it appalling when people without an eating disorder feel that they can flatly refuse to try something, or take one bite, say "I don't like this," and refuse to eat the rest. I also find it boring when people talk about their food preferences in groups as if this is somehow interesting. One of my three best friends/old roommate is guilty of this and has a long list of things she won't eat--chicken on the bone, pork, tomatoes that aren't sun-dried or crushed, beans, curry...blah blah blah. She discusses this at dinner as if it is somehow interesting to any of us. I don't think so. Anyway, apparently I'm very judgmental tonight, but I agree with Michael Pollan. You can have allergies-that is fine and not rude. You can avoid meat or eat kosher or halal meat-that is fine and not rude to me. But just being picky, boorish, and rude? Annoying.
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