As I've said the past few weeks, I've been in a really down mood. I do have days when I'm feeling okay, but then something small will happen and I'll go from a "6" on the Kim Contentment Scale (copyright 2010) to a "1." It could be something like an unexpected expense, an annoyance at work, fleas on cats (yes, our cats have fleas. Medication has been applied. Extremely obsessive compulsive cleaning will commence shortly). I don't think it's normal to have such big dips in mood, or for the dips to go so low (meaning, if I went from a "7" to a "3," that seems manageable, but "1" seems weird. I am not usually a "1" type of person). The past couple days, I've been a steady "6," which is pretty good. Today, I'd dare to say I'm a "7." What the heck? My guess is that my moodiness is hormone related. I had my doctor test my estrogen levels, so we'll see. Either something is off or, without synthetic estrogen from the pill, I am a mopey bitch most of the month (sorry, Larry, I don't know what to tell you).
Anyway, today, I woke up smiling. I went for a short walk, enjoyed my 90's music (my recent "can't-get-enough" thing), made a nice breakfast and watched part of "Dirty Jobs" (love this show). I came to work not feeling like I wanted to cry or die (such a tough decision, usually). I caught up on blogs. Katie mentioned ice skating in her post and my heart fluttered. Ice skating! I found myself wanting to go ice skating. That got me thinking about other things I'm excited about -- the Maui trip in April (I'm considering a new bikini and a surfing lesson while there), Seattle and Oregon in summer (my friend just mentioned a bike tour she did in Portland and I said, "Ooooh!"), going to a UCLA gymnastics meet with my sister (we grew up doing gymnastics and sewing leotards on our Barbie dolls; it's a bonding sport). These are all events, but there are lots of "uneventful" excitements too, like the return of "The Sarah Silverman Program" on Comedy Central, finding a new purse to hold all my shit, and weekend hikes and breakfast outings with Larry.
Why don't I have more days like this? I like these days when life seems simple and good.
How stable is your mood over the course of the month?
I have friends who are totally even, and some who say they fluctuate a lot. I think I just need to be patient with myself. I started keeping a little "Mood Journal" so I can track how I feel, related to anything going on in my life (I even have a column for "Weather," which is nerdy and largely unnecessary in California).
***
Today's gratitude:
1. Lunch at home. I'm obsessed with making grilled wraps these days. Word has it that our company will be moving offices and we won't be able to go home for lunch when that happens. I'm spoiled.
2. My Barnes & Noble order came today! Five books, baby, five books.
3. E-mail. What did people do before e-mail?
4. My bag o' snacks at work.
5. "Man vs. Wild" on TV tonight. Larry and I are fascinated with this guy. We also think there should be a show called "Man vs. Man vs. Wild" about the camera guy.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
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14 comments:
my moods definitely go on roller coasters, depending, unfortunately, on what's going on with my career. when things are dead, as they are right now, it's very easy to get depressed.
I think this post answers the question posed in the title of your last post...love it.
And I'm jealous of the book, as I need some new material!
My mood fluctuates a lot and mostly depends on my job and how things are going in my life. Congrats on the books. I have a drawer of snacks at work that I share with the sports dept guys.
I'm pretty moody. Definitely not on an even keel or upbeat and cheerful all the time.
I hope you can find out what's making your moods bottom out more than usual.
My mood has become much more stable over the last month and so. I think praying really helped me.
Hey, I used to do gymnastics, too! But HOW DARE you go to UCLA! >:-p
And I do love ice-skating. <3
Oh the lovely mood fluctuations! I have to say- I'm actually worried by how stable my mood has been in the past few weeks...which is annoying because if I'm not working towards getting in a good mood, I'm terrified of losing it (the whole calm before the storm mentality.)
Anyways, looks like you have a lot of exciting stuff to look forward to! I have a feeling you'll love Portland- yeah it rains a lot from October-April, but the summers are ABSOLUTELY STUNNING! There's a lot of opportunity to bike, and do other outdoorsy stuff- there are amazing farmer's markets, neighbourhoods, boutiques, and the people are just super friendly and authentic!
I know exactly what you mean about mood. I am the same way. An unexpected expense or something else that goes wrong can send me into a black hole where I cry and bemoan my horrible lot in life. Trying to work on it,
Any post that includes smiling and 90s music must be a good one ;)
I recently tried to come off fluoxetine. Stupid idea - my mood plummeted and now I'm working on recovering the situation. I preferred to think my improved mood was a result of my own hard work and persistence...that probably helped, but I totally underestimated the role of my own brain chemistry!
My mood isn't stable at all ;) I am quite capable of going from overly high to overly low in the space of a few hours. This week, I was really positive and cheerful on Monday and Tuesday, then Wednesday just kind of went to hell! I'm keeping a mood diary at the moment too, but mostly I just keep reminding myself to sit with my feelings rather than react to them. I'm always trying to make things better and sometimes that just gets me more stressed out. I kind of feel like I should have learned this at ten years old rather than 25, but what the heck, better late than never :P
first of all, i'm snowed in. i love that you barely need a Weather column. i'm visualizing myself in nice weather. ahhhh.
my moods used to fluctuate by the second. crying was my first response. with lexapro, i'm pretty steady, but i do have low moments and nicely lovely moment.
when i get low or anxious (this is more regular than depression), i think about a nice glass of wine. as i don't drink anymore, i struggle.
talking/writing about it helps me.
and patience too -- i know i'll feel differently in time
My mood definitely fluctuates depending on what else is going on in my life...job, child, even my blog writing. It is very easy to get depressed but I find that getting outside really helps me a lot.
So nice to find another So Cal person...
PS - I want to know what 5 books you get from Barnes and Nobles!
Yay! Glad you're feeling happy, even if it's just...weird and random!
And when(ish) are you guys planning to go to Seattle? D and I will be there in August. It would be pretty rad if our trips coincided...
i have three new books. wow, five is dreamy!!!!
I fluctuate a lot just during the day! But, I do the same things as you - find those big or small enjoyments that I can look forward to :) If I feel crappy at work, I just try to get through the task and award myself with a small break. If I feel crappy at home I try to find something to give me quick enjoyment, like blogging or reading blogs :)
What five books did you get?
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