The director of the treatment center I attended way back in 2001, Carolyn Costin, just sent me an e-mail asking for my input for her new book (she's already written this one, this one, and this one). She posed 7 questions. I gave her my answers, and I'm curious about yours. Also, if you're interested in having your words used in the book, send me an email and I can pass on your information.
7 questions about recovery:
1. What do you think were the keys to your recovery? (not a long answer, just a list and explanation of why)
2. What effect did it have on you to work with recovered staff? (all the staff members at Monte Nido have recovered themselves; you could adapt this question to discuss how important it is to have a therapist, or other treatment team member, who has recovered)
3. How would you describe the concept of an eating disorder self vs healthy self?
4. What would you say to those struggling with reaching out to people instead of food? How did you learn to do this? How has it changed your life? What made it so hard?
5. "It IS about the food": Thoughts?
6. How have you found meaning outside of your eating disorder? How have you created a fulfilling life for yourself?
7. How did you get motivated to get better? What helped you stay motivated? How did you find motivation after losing it?
I don't know about you, but answering questions like these helps me stay grounded. I'd love to hear what you have to say.
***
Today's gratitude:
1. Rain! It was torrential here yesterday.
2. Appetite. It's good.
3. I made a doctor's appointment for next week. I want to rule out any possible physical things (anemia, thyroid issues, hormone stuff) before jumping on the Depression Bandwagon.
4. I do have a good contact for a psychiatrist, so I'm hopeful about that, if I need it.
5. You guys! Your comments give me so much insight and support. Thank you!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
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15 comments:
Ooh, these are good questions, but there are only a few I can answer now...the rest I'd need some time to think ;)
2) We only had 3 members of recovered staff in the clinic I went to. Only 1 was public about her recovered status. It helped to know that recovery was possible, and she seemed to understand certain issues better, but in away non-ED staff were just helpful. It was not really an issue for me whether staff had EDs or not. I believe it is helpful to have both...the more different perspectives, the better.
3) There is no discernable line between the two. Different people will defined disordered and healthy differently. Some people might accept merely a healthy weight for a healthy self, whereas others may ask for more (‘healthy’ attitudes etc). Similarly for disordered self, for some people disorder is only applicable when a person is completely unable to function, at death’s door almost (i.e. lots of health professionals!), whereas others believe that the very existence of ED thoughts is sufficient. As for me, it's a definitional minefield I'm reluctant to enter!
5) Yes. It is about more than just food alone. But regardless, food is a big part of it.
Sarah x
Definitely great questions. Hmmm...
1. Keys to my recovery: Continuous and unconditional support from family, friends, and everyone at my PHP (therapists/dietitians/other patients), Being forced into PHP, being properly NOURISHED and thus able to think more rationally.
2. N/A
3. The ED self is obsessive, rigid, and anxiety-inducing. Prevents me from discovering new hobbies/going out/living life in general- always makes me feel bad- that I wouldn't be good enough at anything I do so restricting/being thin is the one thing that can make me unique. The Healthy self- allows me to take risks in life realising sometimes I might fail and that's okay and that sometimes I might discover new things. It gives me spontaneity, fun, and joie de vivre.
4. Reaching out is hard, but ultimately one of the keys to recovering- the reluctance to reach out was what kept me in my eating disorder for so long- I was ashamed of being pitied or being rejected for reaching out for help. When my other supports (PHP) encouraged me to reach out, I realised that people did not pity me, but rather thought it was very strong to reach out for help. We all have our vulnerabilities.
5. Food is the scapegoat in EDs, and I think it is about the food in the sense that you really do need to go on a meal plan initially and normalize your eating/become nourished, and restore weight in order to be able to think rationally enough to conquer the psychological aspects of recovery. I see a humongous difference in my thinking/perception when I'm at a healthier weight. Since eating is the scapegoat, we need to learn to eat properly in order to realise what's really under there and what we're really running away from and why we are so attached to our eating disorders.
6. I've found a few amazing groups of friends all by not isolating myself- and therefore have so many more people to turn to, be honest with, (and who prevent me from isolating myself). I also have developed many new interests (and rediscovered old ones) which were shaded by the eating disorder's wanting to isolate/obsess about food/weight/nutrition/avoid life. I keep busy and maintain social connections and allow myself to 'have fun.'
7. Initially what motivated me is the ultimatum I was given by my parents that either I do treatment or I cannot go abroad on my India trip. I wanted to go on the trip so badly that that was initially why I succumbed to treatment, however it wasn't long before I realized that I wanted to get better so I can go out, have fun with my friends, become more SPONTANEOUS (and thus lessen my extreme anxiety about unplanned anything). I wasn't living a life, and I was sick of having zero energy 24/7, looking awkward when we go out to eat and I modify nine million things on my order, etc. Life is not life with an eating disorder and every day if I ever get an urge I can remember how effing MISERABLE I was and how it was time to give it up- other circumstances in my life have changed too, therefore it was time!
Wow, interesting questions indeed. Unfortuantely my health is still so fragile that I find it all a bit daunting to think on now :)
THough my journey might not be the same as yours or the others with these other disorders...I dont typically fit anything like that..but certainly threads...the questions are interesting though to ponder.
Ooh, I'll be sending you an email tomorrow! I love answering question like that, I find that it helps keep me focused and centred too. Your gratitudes made me smile :) I like rain too, my family think I'm crazy. Which I kind of am, but still.
7. How did you get motivated to get better? What helped you stay motivated? How did you find motivation after losing it?
i only got really truly motivated 2 weeks ago when i started this blog. since that day I have really made an effort in my recovery and I have been motivated by other peoples blogs. when i lost motivation yesterday, i spent today looking on blogs and this is what helps me be motivated
Hmm, these are really interesting questions. I'm still very much "in recovery" so some of them I maybe can't give the best answers to; but I'll give it my best shot.
1) I think the main key to my recovery has stemmed from honest and open discussions with family and friends about my e.d. These conversations have been rare, but considering my general silence immensely helpful as it reminds me why I need to fight.
2) N.A.
3) A healthy self can eat too much some days and not enough others without it meaning anything. A healthy self can step on a scale periodically without having the number affect the mood. An eating disorder self gives food and numbers meanings that they do not, or at least should not, have.
4) I'm still too immersed in this problem.
5) It IS about the food since there is no way that you can separate food from either an e.d. or e.d. recovery. Regardless of whatever emotions may come with, there is no escaping that at the core is food.
6) I've worked to pursue dreams despite the eating disorder. My life has been slowed, my mind distracted, and my body struggling, but I am still pursuing the goals I want even when I'm at a healthier state.
7) I was tired of feeling isolated all the time. When recovery feels impossible I try and remind myself that the pain of isolation is worse.
Such an inspiring post filled with insight! I'll have to take some time and answer them fully :)
Hope youre doing well darling, thinking of you <3
I normally love answering questions like this, but I don't know that I'm far enough along this "bout" (to quote a great writer I know) to contribute insightful answers.
However, I think it would be a good thing for me to think about, as it might give me some direction with my goals.
As always, insightful and motivating. I know you hate to hear that, but deal with it. ;)
Well, shoot, I wanted to hear your answers to the 7 questions! Do we have to wait until the book comes out? :-)
I am especially interested in your feelings about #3. Sometimes when reading your blog I get the sense that you have thought of things in relationship to your ED for so long that I wonder if maybe you aren't more ready to move beyond than you feel like you are. I don't know if that convoluted sentence made any sense, but I am thinking about the transition from considering yourself (or myself in another context) as "a person with this disorder" to just "a person" and the disorder is something you had and have to be aware of but aren't defined by.
Stream of consciousness, babe... hope if makes sense.
Totally agree that I'm interested in your responses!
Sooo...
#1. I actually think that time was the most important part of recovery. Giving myself the time to make mistakes and to not 'do' recovery perfectly, and also making recovery a priority. Having a partner who was supportive of me not only in this but in other aspects of my life.
#3. I think the biggest shift was to see myself as a whole, integrated person rather than a shape-shifter, someone whose identity was fragmented. Not that I don't have different modes or moods, but I'm still the same person and I can accept the person that I am.
#4. I wouldn't say that I've necessarily unburdened myself on all of my friends and loved ones, but I do have authentic relationships with people. I think that it took a great amount of time to get to that point, and I also built up the confidence within myself to not be so harsh. I also depend less on other people's evaluation of me. So, yes, other people are important in my life, but I don't define myself based on my friends or family.
And I'm not completely open with many people in my life, in part because being "eating disordered" has taken a backseat to so many other things. So, I don't want that to be a centerpiece of our relationship.
#5. It is and it isn't. I don't want to get too much into that topic (too long and drawn-out).
#6. I sometimes wonder if I've traded the eating disorder identity for a work identity, but I also exist very much outside of work. Having strong relationships certainly gives me that frame of reference, and it ties into identity. I define myself NOT by my size or a scale but other less tangible yardsticks. I haven't developed a slew of hobbies, but I am interested in living in general.
#7. I think it was often a 'two steps forward, one step back' process. I did not necessarily want to get better, but I did want to change my life. Eventually, when I met and married my husband, that was a big factor because I wanted to be totally real with him, I didn't want to lie or to hide aspects of my life.
hello again, also agree with the others, interested in you responses! also just wanted to thank you for your kind and motivating comments, they really helped so much in my lull. i just wanted to let you know they made such a difference and meant so much to me.
Im answering your questions in a post on my blog! thanks!!!
7 questions about recovery:
1.SUPPORT! Support from like minded people(other people in recovery from ED who understand) Support from my nutritionist, therapist, etc..
2. My first nutritionist was a recovered anorexic and i LOVED working with her. It was so helpful, she has sooo much insight and she was really healthy and happy free from her ED and helping others. It was a real inspiration to me.
3. I would rather say eating disorder MINDS VS. HEALTHY MINDS..I personally dont feel that we have two separate selves, just two separate ways of thinking and we can chose which to follow!
4. I found this took a lot of humility to do. Realizing I cant beat this all alone, im not wonder women.. I think this is what kept me out of recovery for so long, I didnt want to ask people for help, I had to much pride so I tried to 'deal' with things myself..
5.
I think its partly about food, for me at least. I do believe though if I was content and happy with myself & my body (which I have been)my ED is nowhere to be found..
6. I Have been trying to focusing on helping other threw buddhist meditation...
7.
I realized how unhealthy I was after not getting my period for a bit..I never wanted to be unhealthy and I NEVER want to end up in a hospital so I thought I should nip this in the butt before I get to that point.
i agree, i don't have a f*ck you attitude towards anorexia, it's more complicated and emotionally anchored than that. i enjoyed this post!
Hey!
I just came across your blog and I love reading it! I can't wait to continue to follow it!
I would love it if you could check out my blog and follow as well :)
Jenna
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